Rescued by lentils

I was in the final stretch of tonight's dinner; the garbanzo beans I'd soaked for 24 hours were simmering away on the stove with onions, garlic, and herbs, and I had just started the barley to go with them when I gave them a stir and noticed a dark fleck that didn't look like a thyme leaf. A creeping tingle climbed my spine as I captured the speck with a spoon, moving under the light to get a better look. Oh barf! It was one of those tiny, vile brown beetles that infest dry goods. CRAP.

I had to think on my feet. "Hey," I said to the kids in a casual voice, "The chickpeas are taking longer than I expected so I'm going to make French lentil soup instead".

I wasn't concerned about them being grossed out as much as I wanted to avoid the inevitable stampede and sideshow gawking that happens when I tell them I've discovered vermin.

I'm not a hippie or a vegetarian; I'm just broke, and I have learned from long experience with being broke to make the most of the cheapest food I can get. Furthermore, the only thing French about the lentil soup recipe I was rapidly inventing in my head was the label on the tiny, green lentils I'd purchased just a couple days before.

Here's what I came up with:

Mince 1/4 of a white or yellow onion and saute it in a teaspoon of oil or butter

Add:

1 carrot, grated
2 cloves garlic, chopped
4 cups broth (I used pork stock)

Bring to a boil and add one cup of lentils. Reduce heat and simmer until tender.

Add:

A pinch of Herbes de Provence
1/4 cup of minced ham
1 14-oz can of diced tomatoes

In a separate pan, scald 1/2 cup of cream, then stir it into the soup. Add salt and pepper to taste, then serve. I served it over barley:

Bring to a boil:

1 cup water
1/2 tsp salt

Add:

1/2 cup barley
1 TBSP toasted amaranth seeds

Reduce heat, cover, and simmer undisturbed for 1/2 hour or until tender.

I thought it was excellent! Two kids pronounced it delicious, and one refused to eat it at all. Relative success, I guess.