Summer sandwich

This is a great way to use up leftover grilled steak... my little piranhas usually devour it, though, so I end up making a steak just for this purpose.

Top sirloin or other tender cut of steak, seasoned with salt and pepper and grilled medium-rare

Slice the steak thinly and drizzle it with Caesar or Italian salad dressing

Slice and toast a baguette

Butter the baguette

Pile meat on the baguette

Top with sliced tomato

Nom!

Indian cooking

I recently realized that there are no Indian restaurants in my vicinity. Not that I can afford to eat out regularly, but every once in a while I have a craving, and this time I discovered that it could not possibly be filled in any reasonable way. In the meantime, I have a friend in Arizona who regularly brags about the power of her Chicken Vindaloo, which was making me mildly insane.

So I started looking up Indian recipes.

The amazing thing about Indian food (not actually that amazing when you think about it) is that it's incredibly economical. Unlike many other varieties of Old World cooking, the basic ingredients tend to be dirt-cheap, once you have the required panoply of spices.

I already have almost all the spices. I was Spice Queen, after all...

So here are my first two recipes. I would just link you to the online recipes I started with, but I am never content to just use a recipe untinkered-with, so I altered then significantly.

Chicken Vindaloo

2 TBSP butter
1 teaspoon turmeric seeds
1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds
1/2 tsp mustard seeds
1/2 tsp fenugreek seeds
1/2 teaspoon coriander seeds

2 teaspoons garam masala
1 chopped onion
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 TBSP fresh chopped ginger
1 whole chopped serrano pepper
2 tsp salt (or to taste)
3 TBSP flour, preferably chickpea but wheat will do

2 1/2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar

4 fresh diced tomatoes (or 1 16-oz can)
6-8 skinless boneless chicken thighs, cut into 1-inch pieces
6 small potatoes, peeled, cut into 1-inch pieces

Melt the butter in a deep saute pan over medium-high heat, and add the first 6 ingredients. Saute until the seeds crackle.
Add the next 7 ingredients and cook until onions are brown on the edges, and translucent.

Add the vinegar.

Dump everything but the chicken, potatoes, and tomatoes into a food processor or blender and blend until smooth. Pour over the raw chicken, stir, let marinate in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours.

Add all the ingredients into deep saute pan, cover, simmer 40 minutes. Serve with basmati rice and naan.



Saag Aloo:

A 16-oz bag of frozen spinach (fresh is fine, just more expensive)
2 cloves chopped garlic
About 2 TBSP fresh ginger, chopped
One chopped onion
One chopped Serrano pepper (with seeds)
Four medium potatoes, cubed
1 teaspoon turmeric
4 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon cumin seed
1 teaspoon garam masala
1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 tablespoon plain yogurt
salt

Cube the potatoes and parboil (about 10 minutes) with the turmeric and some salt.

Melt 2 TBSP butter in a pan and add the ginger, onions, serrano, and garlic. Saute on med-hi heat until the onions start to brown. Add the spinach and heat thoroughly. Briefly process in food processor or blender (if you don't have one, chop everything really finely before you start, then dump it into a bowl to free the pan for the next step)

Melt the other 2 TBSP of butter in your pan, add cumin seeds and heat until they start to crackle, then return your spinach mixture to the pan and add the garam masala, coriander and ground cumin.

Drain the potatoes and add them to the spinach mixture. If it's too thick to simmer without scorching, add a bit of water, but not enough to make it soupy. Salt to taste and simmer for 20 minutes or so.

Stir in the yogurt and serve it with naan or basmati rice. Or both.

The toaster oven diet

All right.

In my quest to drop the last of my leftover unhappy-marriage pudge, I have changed everything about my entire life. Well, pretty much. I enjoy my food, but it's completely different food. Few starches, minimal refined foods, almost no sweets, and I keep alcohol to a minimum. I walk for at least an hour every day, and once a week I hike for 2-3 hours.

For the last month or so I have been on what I call the "Bucket Guy" diet; for those who don't know the story of Bucket Guy (my spirit guide), the condensed version is that when I worked at Rejuvenation he appeared to me one day, carrying a bucket of beautiful old lighting that had been painted over, and looking for replacements. I suggested he have them restored instead, and he replied "Nah, I don't want to deal with it". This phrase was then repeated numerous times in response to almost every suggestion I made and every question I answered, and he finally departed my store for Home Depot. Full of hate and rage, I went upstairs to the break room and fumed at my co-workers for a few minutes about him, after which one guy said "Sounds like you don't want to deal with it".

And then I was enlightened.

Anyway, the Bucket Guy Diet is what happens when you know you have to eat, but you just don't give a flying fuck. You don't want to deal with it. Most people end up on this diet at some time in their life when they're either newly in love or newly heartbroken... you know the feeling. It's the diet where you get to the point where you just can't ignore your rumbling belly anymore, so you eat the first thing you find in the fridge or cabinet that doesn't need much prep but sounds like you have a possibility of actually swallowing it. People on this diet tend to live on a lot of crackers and peanut butter, or yogurt and cereal. Tinned fish and protein shakes have gone a long way for me.

Coincidentally, a very good friend of mine was also on this diet at the same time, and we were talking about how it is, while effective, sadly unsustainable. Eventually, if I keep living on tinned fish and protein shakes, my body is going to rebel in some very unpleasant ways, so I've devised an even better diet that still allows me to not really think about what I'm eating at all. My friend and I refined it over the course of a six-mile hike; we call it the Toaster Oven Diet.

Here's what this consists of.

You have three food groups; the fish group, the asparagus group, and the millet group.

You have a little container of cooked millet in the fridge at all times. Examples of things that fall into the millet group would be brown rice, quinoa, barley... you get the gist.

You put a little butter or grease in the bottom of a small baking pan, and on top of that you'll arrange some fish and asparagus, and a scoop of millet. Season with salt and pepper and maybe some lemon juice and garlic powder, then put it in the toaster oven and cook it for 15-20 minutes at 400 degrees. Then, you eat it. It's that simple!

A few other members of the fish food group are chicken, ham, and beef. These may require longer cooking times, so use your best judgment.

If your representative of the asparagus group is spinach or another leafy green, you should toss it in at the very end because it only needs a couple of minutes.

I find that I can cook a double portion of this in the morning, then have it for lunch as well as breakfast, and it's so easy that no matter how little I could give a crap about nutrition or my physical well-being that day, I can still eat in a way that is most likely not going to result in any severe nutritional deficiencies.

Happy heartbreak!

The funny thing about gumbo

You can't just make a little bit of gumbo. It's impossible; I've tried, and the smallest amount of gumbo I've ever been able to make is eight quarts. You add a little of one thing, a little of something else, and before you know it, you have two or three gallons of gumbo simmering.

Gumbo is incredible, because with just a little money you can make this dish a delicacy; delicious, filling, and possibly the most nutritious one-dish meal money can buy. I want to share my recipe and my love of gumbo with everyone, but the trouble is, I don't HAVE a recipe; gumbo isn't a recipe as much as it is a process of love and intuition! But I'm going to try, because I believe that if you know the very basics of what goes into it, you will be able to make your own savory stew that will be unique as a fingerprint, warm, nurturing, and perfect.

2 TBSP chicken fat, bacon grease, or lard
1 yellow onion
4 cloves garlic
2 TBSP flour
32 oz chicken broth
32 oz diced tomatoes
16 oz cut okra (frozen is fine)
1 cup black eyed peas
1 cup frozen or fresh lima beans
1 cup cut corn
1 lb catfish, salmon, or cod
2 links Andouille sausage
1 lb shelled shrimp
1 bunch collard greens or kale
2 medium carrots
2 medium potatoes
1 green or red bell pepper
1 TBSP red chili flakes (adjust to taste)
2 tsp Herbes de Provence, or basil, thyme, or pretty much whatever you have on hand
1 tsp black pepper
Salt to taste

Thoroughly cook the sausages in the grease; set aside to cool. Chop the onion and cook it in the grease until translucent; add the flour and brown slightly. Pour the broth in all at once and stir, then add the tomatoes. Chop and add everything but the fish and shrimp, add a bit of water if needed, and simmer it for 2-3 hours until tender. Add the shrimp and fish and simmer for 30 more minutes. Serve over "dirty" rice, which is just rice (I prefer brown) seasoned with a bit of garlic powder, paprika, black pepper, and thyme.

Modify all the ingredients at will, but don't leave out the okra, or it's not gumbo!

I made this on Saturday, and I'm just finishing off a bowl of leftovers for lunch. It still hasn't lost it's charm, and if anything is even more delicious on the third day. It also freezes well (which is a good thing, considering how much of it I have...)

The comfort of posole

Tonight, instead of the usual Friday night roast, I decided that my body and my soul need posole.

It's one of my favorite foods; pork shoulder simmered with onions and hominy for hours until it's fall-apart tender, served over shredded fresh cabbage with lime juice and cilantro. I can eat it until I'm bursting, and live on a pot of it for a week without becoming tired of it. Best of all, it's more than delicious; it's nutritious, comforting, and cheap.

I started with a 4-lb pork shoulder roast that was already in my freezer, and put it in a large stockpot with water to cover it, and a quart of broth I also had in my freezer. The broth is wholly optional, as this flavorful cut of meat will make its own stock as it simmers. A whole onion, a couple of cloves of garlic, and about 1/2 cup of ground red chilies went into the pot, as well as a couple of tablespoons of marjoram (sometimes sold as Mexican oregano) and a couple of juniper berries. Then the whole thing simmered with the lid on for about six hours, until the meat was falling apart, and I added salt to taste and a couple of cans of white hominy. Honestly, dried posole corn is best, but I would have had to think about it yesterday, then soak it with lime overnight and degerm it by hand... which always leaves my thumbs sore after hours of picking the germ off the posole. Tonight, it was all about the canned hominy, and I am perfectly happy with that!

The posole was red and greasy, almost done and smelling irresistibly good, when I realized I needed to make a store run for sour cream and hominy, as well as a couple of other crucial ingredients; limes and cilantro. I am making gumbo for a party tomorrow night, so I figured it would be a good time to snag the ingredients for that as well. I already have a few things (lima beans, canned tomatoes) so it wasn't a huge shopping trip. From my receipt:

2 cans hominy
Frozen okra
Black eyed peas
Catfish nuggets
Italian sausage (hot)
Raw shrimp
collard greens
Sour cream
Green cabbage
Green onions
Cilantro
2 limes
Cabernet Sauvignon (of the cheapest variety... I'm out of box wine)

My total grocery bill, wine and everything, was $30.12, which is pretty excellent for enough food to keep a family of 5 fed for about four days. The stuff I already had on hand, the pork roast and other gumbo ingredients like rice and tomatoes, came to about $10.

I've got the hominy in there simmering with the rest of the posole for an hour or so to merge the flavors; when it's ready, I'll ladle it over shredded cabbage, with minced cilantro and green onions, a spoonful of sour cream, and a wedge of lime.

Simple red posole:

4-lb pork shoulder roast
8 quarts of water
1 onion, minced
2 tablespoons dried marjoram
6 tablespoons red chili powder (paprika), mild or hot depending on taste
4 cloves of garlic
2 juniper berries (optional)
2 32-oz cans of hominy
Salt to taste

Simmer pork with other ingredients for 4-6 hours, until falling apart.
Using two forks, pull meat into smaller chunks.
Add hominy and simmer another hour.

Serve over:

Green cabbage, chopped finely

Garnish with:

White or green chopped onion
Minced cilantro
Sour cream
Lime wedge
Radish

Food fighting

You know, people really want there to be "good" foods and "bad" foods. I think it must be rooted in an intense need to have an enemy, to demonize something. The reality is that humans are the rats of the primate world; we can extract nutrition from a stunning array of foods, even from what is basically garbage. We are highly adaptive omnivores who can not only survive, but thrive on a wide variety of diets. People hate this for some reason; psychologically, we need boundaries. We need rules. We need "good calories" and "bad calories". Even when a researcher comes along and tries to tell us, "Wait, no; that's not how it works", we insist on twisting his meaning to support our diet religions. We demonized meat and fat ten years ago, and now we demonize grain. Listen; it's simple. Eat a wide variety of whole fresh food, and go outside to play. Your body might not like some foods that other people's bodies like; and that's OK. That doesn't make you wrong and them right, or you right and them wrong. Just eat something else. And, GO PLAY.

The economy of tuna fish

One of my childhood comfort foods is spaghetti with tuna sauce. It sounds a little weird, I suppose; it's just white sauce, the same recipe as you find on a box of corn starch, with a drained can of tuna mixed in, served over spaghetti. My version has some shredded cheddar added as well; it's basically a stovetop tuna casserole. My kids love it, and it's one of those fast, cheap and easy fallback dinners I can make when I don't have much time and didn't plan ahead.

Something odd I've been noticing about tuna fish for the last several years is that the store brand is invariably superior in flavor and consistency to the more expensive name brands. I cannot for the life of me come up with an explanation for this... it really doesn't make any sense. For them to be the same quality could make sense; many different brands are the same product, packed in the same facility, with different labels slapped on. But in the case of tuna, the difference in quality, as well as price, is so remarkable as to defy explanation. If you buy solid white albacore, the cheaper store brand is typically a large firm chunk of fish in a can, with a bit of clear broth or oil, while the name brand version will be a smallish hunk or two swimming in a morass of fish mush. If you buy the chunk light tuna, the store brand is usually, as implied by the name, chunks of fish in water or oil that can be drained off, while the name brand is a can of swampy pulp that can't effectively be separated from the liquid it's packed in.

I have no idea what the deal is. I just pay my 85 cents and dump it into a pan of white sauce.